This is another post that was originally written for mariasmind.com. It has been slightly revised for clarity and refreshed with new images.
Rest when you’re weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work. – Ralph Marston
Mental habits, well-worn patterns in our way of thinking and managing our lives, whether helpful or not, can become so ingrained that we do not always recognize how they affect us, until something happens that discombobulates us, upsets our apple cart. If the routines contribute something positive to our lives, whether it is some form of exercise, nurturing friendships or pastimes we enjoy, that is wonderful. Sometimes, however, it takes a kind, well-timed word to make us realize that our lives are out of whack. Although it can be hard to do, sometimes we must confront our misalignment when it begins to affect our sleep, our relationships, our overall state of mind. What to do?!
Life is teaching me, once again, to never assume: to never say that I will not have to grapple with a particular issue ever or ever again. For example, I thought I had left my struggle with achieving work-life balance behind once I retired from the all-consuming work of teaching, but here I am again. Who knew . . . I feel, however, that I should have known. One of my oft-repeated “words of wisdom,” to students and my family, learned by reading about others’ experiences, but mostly from observing myself and others around me, is that we take ourselves with us. In other words, if we expect that our relationships, our moods, our outlook will drastically improve by simply changing our surroundings, we will inevitably be disappointed unless we also do some work on ourselves to more clearly understand and change ourselves if necessary.
Going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There’s nothing to that.
― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
As a teacher, achieving and sustaining work-life balance meant that even though there was always work to do – planning, marking, making time for students and their parents – until the final marks were entered and the students and I said our final goodbyes, time had to be purposely set aside for family, hobbies and that guilt-inducing word – at least for me – relaxing. Logically, I know that my emotional default of thinking of relaxing as wasting time has a direct correlation to why I am feeling so stressed. My dear friend, fellow teacher, and after-school confidante and I often discussed the issue of balance and encouraged each other to implement self-care strategies to avoid impending burnout. I always struggled with this, and of course, it is one of the underlying reasons why I decided to stop teaching.
For many years, but more consistently as I get older, I have incorporated a daily goal-setting strategy that many people use to try to ensure productivity and a focus for the day; as I wake up, I think about what needs and must get done. Achieving those goals gives me a sense of competency and satisfaction at the other end of the day. However, I also often struggle with feeling overwhelmed and overly tired. It’s the kind of tired that just one night’s sleep won’t fix. I am being dishonest, however, if I give the impression that I am always the Energizer bunny. Too many times, I have wasted evening hours looking at Youtube videos. I rue the day that I discovered that I could do this at home without using data, but I can now carry on an informed conversation about Seinfeld and Friends bloopers! I also know the names of many more comedians and aren’t those cat and small children videos cute! It’s a slippery slope, a rabbit hole . . . I would read a novel, but I can’t stay awake while doing that without a bag of chips nearby, so that’s another kind of slippery slope. Oh well . . .
As I write this reflection, I’m not sure where I will post it; the stresses associated with imbalance were definitely part of my teaching years, but my ongoing struggle with it is certainly an outcome of being a caregiver as well. As I’ve stated elsewhere, being my mother’s primary caregiver is complicated and emotionally difficult in a way that teaching others’ children could never be. In addition, as the epilogue to my teaching career, it is not always satisfying. Therefore, in part to continue nurturing my self-image, and to fill the gap left by no longer being a professional and using the reading, writing and critical thinking skills I worked so hard to hone, I began volunteering, writing this blog and sometimes feeling that oops, déjà vu, the weight of work and obligations is tipping the seesaw of life too far down at one end so that it is too often pressing me into the ground. I haven’t incorporated enough relaxation to achieve a more even balance. I know I’ve also stated this elsewhere, but I believe that I have choice. Of course, some responsibilities, once accepted, are immutable; they can’t be ignored or handed over to someone else.
On the other hand, I have a nagging feeling that maybe work-life balance can be achieved in part by allowing the positive moments of my current life to sustain me when the seesaw feels out of whack. Also, I often read the advice that we need to formally schedule time for ourselves to relax – chill – which is probably because I am clearly not the only one who fills my time with responsibilities and chores. I am not the only one who tries to ignore self-care. Maybe more of us need to include relaxing on our mental to-do list.
Can you relate? Are there any balance strategies that work for you? Please let us know in the comments.
Leave a Reply